a big, fat mess am i

do you want to know the truth about christians?  do you really?  well, here it is....

we screw up.
we fall down.
we make mistakes.
we hurt others.
we hurt ourselves.
we don't always practice what we preach.

i used to think that i had to be perfect to be a Christian.  i didn't want to let people get to know me because if i did--well then guess what--they would KNOW that i wasn't perfect.  if they knew i wasn't perfect, then they would think me a hypocrite.  isn't that how it goes?  isn't that what we believe?  so what do we do?  we polish up the outside.  we try really hard on the inside.  and we hide.  we hide from other believers.  we hide from those who don't believe.  we even hide from ourselves.

hmmmm, hiding.  now that sounds familiar.  does it bring to mind a couple who hid from God after eating some forbidden fruit?  instead of coming out into the open and confessing their mistake, they hid.  i think we all understand that on some level.  we all have broken mom's vase thanks to unauthorized ball play in the house (yes, a reference to the Brady Bunch!)  we all have hurt someone we loved by lying or judging or just plain not being there.  when we know we have done something wrong, our natural inclination is to hide.

the beauty of the gospel is that Jesus comes looking for those in hiding.  he is the great seeker who calls out to those of us who are hidden. not with words of condemnation.  not with words meant to put us in our place.  not with words meant to shame us into future obedience.  no, he comes looking for us because he knows that our very lives depend on being found.

the problem is when we hide, when we don't let others see just how much we struggle and fail, we veil the power of the gospel. the message of Jesus is for the weak, for those who know that they are a mess, for those in touch with their humanity.  when i try to mask my frailty, i lie to everyone around me.  it is as if i am telling you that pretense is better than humility, that the artificial is more valuable than the authentic, that Jesus really can't make a difference in a life as screwed up as mine.

the truth is he can.  he is.

so here is what i can say to you now that i have owned up to the fact that i am a mess.

God loves unconditionally.  he knows i am a mess and loves me just the same.

God forgives unfailingly.  he has never uncovered a sin of mine that has led him to turn away.

God redeems unceasingly.  he somehow turns my messes into mercies.

this is my God.  if it takes me coming out of hiding for you to see Him as He is, then so be it.  he is the only treasure this earthen vessel has to boast about anyway.