wanton and wanting

she looked like the town whore because she was.

Simon thinks Jesus is oblivious to the "kind of woman" she is but he isn't. Jesus saw people. saw them in a way that penetrated clothes and went straight to the heart. and he saw her. he knew her pain, the wounds that had propelled her to sell her body to any man willing to pay for it. he didn't see filth. he didn't see worthlessness. he didn't see pathetic. he saw her. he saw a created child who was enslaved to a lifestyle that was destroying her.

and she saw him. only him. what else would have given her the courage to enter the house of a man who thought she was worthless both by profession and by gender? she saw only Jesus.

a man who didn't want her for sex.

a man who would actually look her in the eye.

a man who touched with compassion and not lust.

a man who saw value in hidden places.

she was driven to him. she knew the depth of her need. nothing would stop her from getting to him. not even a self-righteous Pharisee.

simon's response? disdain. both for the whore and the one who allowed her to clean his feet with her tears. a righteous man would never keep such company. holy men don't associate with whores.

Jesus sees them both: the woman with her humbled pleas for help and Simon with his unwavering pride. funny, the only one of the two who appears foolish is Simon. he is the child pretending to be righteous in front of the only man who ever was.

the woman is forgiven and her love for Jesus explodes. Simon is left unchanged, an empty shell of a man who looked into the eyes of Life and thought himself to good to ask for it.

Simon's problem? he, too, is the woman, the whore. he just doesn't know it. his sin is different, has a different expression but it is no less an affront to the sinless man sitting across from him than hers. Jesus wants to touch him too. heal him. set him free to truly live. but Simon can't see. he can't see that his "good sins"--his pride, selfishness, greed, malice, slander and abusive power--are his way of prostituting himself to something other than God.

so i turn away from this story, knowing that i, too, am the woman, the whore. my need for him is great. my sin is death.

BUT

his forgiveness is healing. his compassion is freedom. his love is Life.

so to his feet i come, a wanton woman in search of salvation.